One of the major concessions we made when we moved to the mountains was in the size of our living space at this lodge. Which seems to be a disturbing running trend. We first lived in a 2,300 sf loft, then to a little townhouse with probably 1,800 sf, and now we're scrunched into about 850 sf. That's two adults, one toddler, three dogs and two cats. It is sheer madness. We sneeze and the place is a wreck. Nothing has a proper place, because that would mean we had storage, which would imply that we had space to organize. And we so don't. You just can't squeeze blood from a turnip, as they say. So, we've always said it was temporary until we figured something better out, maybe a few years from now.
Well, now that babybud #2 is on the way, a few years from now seems an impossibly long time to wait. Even though the idea of taking on another mortgage makes my morning sickness feel like a summer's day, the idea of sharing our bedroom with two small people with erratic sleeping schedules and keeping everyone happy whilst living like pilgrims makes my left eye twitch. It really won't work. We really won't be happy. We know this. And this is why we have talked of little else since last week. The Cap'n now has a fully completed computer model of our little house that we can virtually tour and arrange furniture in. It's like playing dolls! He can even strip away half of it so it actually looks like a doll house! And even though it's fun to imagine, I'm worried we're getting a bit too excited for something that probably can't happen for at least another year and a half. Seriously, we talk about it ALL THE TIME.
When we bought our last house in Queens in 2002, we had similar high hopes. There were computer models and sweet dreams that were dreamt. And it finally got there. And then we promptly moved. I loved how the house turned out and it was such a bitter pill to swallow that we couldn't have it, this lovely space that we designed and renovated, that I'm having a hard time falling in love with the idea of this new house. Because I feel like if we save and sacrifice to get it, we won't get to enjoy it either. In fact, even in the loft we had just completed renovations just to get tossed on our cans. It just keeps happening! And it makes me feel powerless because one of the only things I've ever wanted, and worked hard to get, is a nice place to live. And I've never had that as an adult. And I'm 32. That really sucks.
In any event, if we can piece together the finances, we will do what needs to be done to make it happen. Our lives will be in chaos for a few more years while it's in progress. Frankly, after the last six years, I now embrace chaos. At least it means you're getting somewhere, right?
Next time: Starting to feel like a new mama again