"Man, I've had it with these dogs."
We say this to eachother at least once a day, usually when they knock the legs out from under us while going for a cat, are puking on the rug, whining for no reason; mostly little things. But tonight was special. Tonight, Christmas night, the demon spawns caused one of our niceset things---a huge floor-to-ceiling wooden-framed mirror that the Cap'n made---to come crashing to the floor. What caused such a catastrophe? Why, the PHONE RANG. That's what caused the dogs to completely wig out and crash into the mirror, spraying its shards in every direction. The phone, which rings at least 20 times a day, you see, it RANG.
We'd said to eachother a thousand times that it needed to be secured to the wall. But it was just so huge and seemed so anchored by gravity alone. Thank god and all the angels and fairies and mermaids and fishes and forest creatures that Poopies didn't happen to be in the line of fire. He was safely in bed and didn't even wake to the Great Crash of Glass. I can't even bare to think about him being in the path of all that shattering sharpness. Thank you thank you whomever you are.
We took these animals in when they needed us. When you live in the places we lived in the city, where they turn up on the streets weekly, and you have too soft a heart, you take them in and although you find homes for most, there's a certain percentage of them that are too ugly, unadoptable, or just too dear to part with. So you end up with a collection of them. And I love animals. I truly do. They are innocent creatures that only know what you teach them. They mean well. But they are animals. And animals cause chaos. And I'm living in a tiny apartment with too much on my plate and am already totally overwhelmed without their extra drama. They really have an excellent way of tipping the balance, not to mention the constant filth. Every time the Cap'n takes them for a walk I secretly hope they accidently get drowned in the river. I know! I don't really want that, I would cry for them, but then my life would be simpler. I am a horrible person for thinking these things, I know. But they're old and have had good lives! And I cherish my sanity, whatever shreds are left of it.