Man, am I in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Living in a big city, constantly longing for open skies, room to breathe, I think I may have overestimated my desire and capacity for the country. I'm hoping it's a passing thing, new-life-jitters, but I am longing for stimulation and interaction.
One thing I definitely need to do is get out more. Just forget the potential reservations that might be calling, strap the kid to my back and go for a hike. Three months here and the most I've done alone is a short walk to the river and back. Freaking pathetic.
The other thing is making new friends. I truly suck at it. I love to meet new people, connect with them, but I suck at maintenance. Just ask my sisters, parents, the few friends I do have. Months go by. It's not that I don't care. I'm just incredibly selfish with my time. There are very few given moments when I feel like stopping what I'm doing and reaching out to say hi. Total asshole, I know.
Also, friendships with women have always been hard for me, much harder than with men, a fact I'm embarrassed to admit. If I'm not a good friend to other women, then what kind of woman am I? At least with men there's a plan. First we do this, then a little of that, lather, rinse, repeat. Instant fun and fascination. With women it's not so easy. What's the goal, exactly. Support, conversation, comradery. In a way these things are more magical and elusive than the components of romantic relationships.
I've had some awesome girlfriends. Wonderful, amazing women. But they were all the happy byproduct of mutual friends or jobs. Now that I'm self-employed, running a motel in the freaking mountains, the only people I speak to are by definition not from around here.
So, I guess the obvious answer is that I need to make an effort. Take a yoga class, go to a coffee shop. Close the office and reap some of the benefits of being my own boss. I'm here and I have to make the best of it.